danger_prone | for gipsy

for gipsy_danger

It wasn't the quiet of the last time he'd managed to visit her. Instead of the slow lull of a midnight crew on standby it was the full fledged action of jaeger crews in full prep. Instead of being in his own loose casual clothes Raleigh was in full drive suit. And this time he wasn't going to hear Gipsy Danger's soft beeps and whirs. This time he was going to hear her voice.

He pulled in a deep breath as they plugged him in and shut his eyes. It had been along time. Five years. He found he was a strange mixture of eager and nervous. An exhale through his teeth and he nodded. No more running away. It was time.

Mako was due to join them in their link this time. Trail run, a prep for her, first time. He remembered the nerves and the excitement and gave her an encouraging smile, last minute words of advice. He was going in first though. These weren't three linked consciouses familiar with the feel of each other. It was two. He and Gipsy. First their link - and then they'd guide Mako in once they were stable. He was glad for it. There were things he wanted to share with just Gipsy right now. Mako could have those parts of him later as well but first - first he wanted Gispy all to himself. He wanted time for just them. Mako would join them soon enough.

So he shut his eyes again and his chin dipped just the smallest bit, the habitual way it always did just before he took the Drift. The countdown was a steady reassuring sound in his ear and he has the insanest urge to smooth down the hair inside his helmet, like a boy coming home after he'd ignored his mother's calls or a nervous guy on his first date. The crooked smile, quick, touched his lips just as the familiar hole in the center of his forehead seemed to open and he found himself sucked in and pulled under.

Welcome to the Drift.

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His laughter at her nosing around thrums down through their connection and it's pleasure for so many reasons. He's missed her. God he's missed her. Missed her touch in his mind, her presence in his life, the simple, pure feel of her a part of him and yet her own too. He's touch her if he could but they're forever having to divide those two, only one when the other wasn't possible and so he lets his love, something that's deeper and richer and surer than it was before pour out of him instead. He's lost - and so he knows what it feels like to have so much more completely now. There's no young embarrassment about it anymore either. Life's too short. He loves completely these days.

He also opens himself to her as sure as if he's opened his arms. She's Gipsy. There's nothing he wouldn't share with her, no matter how painful or embarrassing. Her little pokes and prods get a smile from him and another wash of affection. In his mind, he all but turns in a circle for her, hands on his head, teasing her inspection... but knowing what she's doing and there's the second wash of understanding and sorrow and grateful acceptance. His own mind slips over hers as well, searching for the wounds he's left, the time she spent alone. She's his too, just as much as he's hers and that means he'll take care of her. It's a different sensation this time. One that's known what failing means and the core determination to never do so again.

I'm here. It's a softly spoken promise and apology. I'm here, Gipsy

Ah.

If a twenty-five story fighting war-machine could sigh, that’s what Gipsy Danger would be doing at the moment. Despite all of the time that they had been apart – five long, stressful, empty and voided years, years she’d spent in raw, vulnerable pain but also reveling in the hope he would come back – she still has not forgotten what it is like to cradle Raleigh’s consciousness in her metaphorical hands. She’s gentle with it, realizing the trust that he places within her, and nearly vibrates with amusement at his mental display, invisible ‘hands’ skirting over him, making sure he is, in fact, whole and complete.

And then comes his love – love that Gipsy embraces and holds very near and dear, refusing to let go of the sensation. It lingers at all times, hanging in the cusp of their shared oblivion, almost tangible in it’s presence.

Gipsy loves too and it’s just as deep and rich and color filled as Raleigh’s. While she cannot physically take her pilot into her arms, she makes up for that lack by wrapping him fully in that love, bundling him close as she lets everything come through the Drift. Forgiveness is mingled in there too, because that’s what you do when you love someone. You forgive them and you love them anyway -- wholly, completely, and absolutely.

Edited 2013-07-31 20:43 (UTC)

He soaks in her love, lets it wash over him, fill him. No one can love you the way someone that's drifted with you can. There's an intimate knowledge and a sharing that's impossible to match. When it was the three of them -

it comes. That feeling of loss. That emptiness where instead of three there are only two. He doesn't mean to interject it - but the thought was already formed and in the drift there's no hiding it. Yancy should be here too.

He's learned though and he catches that wave of irreplaceable. He knows how to ride it now, even if its so much stronger inside the drift and he offers his hand, mentally if not physically to Gipsy. Missing Yancy isn't something he's afraid to feel anymore, for the longest time he was but now there's a sweetness that weaves through the bitter. A love that feels stronger despite the loss. He doesn't shy away from it, letting it come instead and reaching out to Gipsy in their close connection because -

it's all right The pulse of Yancy that comes out of him isn't those last seconds. It's a childhood memory, a Christmas morning, a red bike under the tree, skinned knees and his older brother's pride when he'd finally taught Raleigh to ride it. Intentional he slips it over into the first time the three of them came together and the confusing wonderful mess they'd all made of it. As clear as his voice, soft and sure, he wraps Gipsy in the feel of his healing and his heartache and the fact that

We can be okay now

The inclusion of Yancy's memory is a little jarring, but Gipsy simply eases into it with him, reaching for the outstretched 'hand' with both of hers. She rebels in it, allowing the feeling of loss to overwhelm her, then comforts herself with the feeling of his sweetness and acceptance wash over her. The memory is perfect and beautiful and Gipsy feels - not for the first time in her life - honored and privileged to know him, and to have known Yancy, too.

If she could cry, she would - but the tears would be happy though tinged with the faintest hint if bittersweet regret.

She still blames herself, if just partially - at least, up until this moment. Raleigh makes her feel as if its possible to forgive herself, too.

We're alright.

It's said hesitantly, as if she's not completely sure.

We're alright

He repeats it but there's no waiver in his voice. Inside of him it unspools for her. His guilt, after the first horror and disbelief and unbearable sorrow had dissipated enough to be felt. Trying to ignore it, drowning in it, living with it so constant his world had been gray. Wrestling with it, taking dangerous jobs in the hopes of -

coming to the realization that there was nothing he could do, no going back, no changing things. Realizing he would have to live with it. Live with it, not abandon himself to it. Guilt for leaving her wove through it all too but he kept his focus, showing her everything vulnerable and shameful about it because it was him. And... he was hers.

The moment, crystal clear on top of a metal girder when he realized he couldn't run anymore. Not in a bottle, not at the end of the world. And the slow, often mistaken way he'd climbed back. The slow and fragile realization that the best response was to live in a way that it would never happen again. The knowing, deep down, that dying to the guilt would fail Yancy all over again. And the healing, slow and gradual that came with the determination to learn and never go back. Never forget. Not Yancy. Not Raleigh's mistake, imagined or otherwise, that had lost him. Learn, go forward, save others. The scars were there, some wounds too deep to ever heal but - they were a strength now. The steel to his determination to make it right.

Coming back to the program was a kind of redemption for him.

Coming back to Gipsy was coming home and becoming whole.

We're all right

He promised it, cradling her hurt himself and giving her all his surety and determination. They'd lost Yancy - he wouldn't let them lose themselves. And he would give that to Gipsy as long and as often as she needed. He wasn't whole completely until she was too.

Gipsy filters through all of this as it comes; the rationalization and the sheer willpower that Raleigh has achieved make her proud. She’s proud to earn his love, proud to know him, and proud to call him her own. He’s taken his hurts, his sorrow, his pain and his guilt and turned them around and made them into his strengths. From the ashes of despair a phoenix has arisen – new, whole, not undamaged but not broken, either. His strength gives her strength and it’s with him rather than alone that Gipsy can finally, finally be allowed to forgive herself.

We are.

She confirms it now, her voice stronger in his mind as she sends wave after wave of emotion in his direction. She tries to hold it back, to keep him from the torrential flood that is Gipsy Danger’s essence, but she cannot. He is here, he is home – they forgive each other, love each other, and it is too much to even think about containing.

I love you, Raleigh Becket. You are always safe here with Gipsy Danger.

No matter his life battles, his struggles and his fears, she will be here for him, if she can.

She doesn't need to hold it back, not for him. They've been through the fire together and there's nothing about her that he doesn't receive and treasure. He soaks in the feeling of her, resting in it, breathing deep and his lips smile, shifting into a grin that's familiar and not as carefree as it once was but more honest because he's known pain now. If he could bear hug her close he would but the feelings the emanate off him will have to do. She's beautiful and so much more generous and welcoming than he deserves but he takes it because he can't imagine not accepting anything he would give her.

I love you too, Gipsy Danger

And he doesn't say it to simply repeat it back to her or because she said it first. He says it because there's no way not to, because he's loved hugely and there's no way not to respond to that. He can rest in the haven of her.

I'm not going anywhere.

No more running away. Come what may, he's here for good this time. He lets that promise - and the feeling of homecoming thread into their connection. It's good. It's right.

After a minute, he finally says

I found us a drift partner, Gipsy

The admission is treasured and caressed; the words had never sounded so sweet as they did at this moment and she files that memory away to cherish and keep with her until the end of her days. Sometimes she did that, when she was all alone and at her lowest point. Thinking he would never return back to her, never come home to her, that he had forgotten about his Gipsy Danger -- those were the days that were the worst, and the ones that she pulled back into her memories, searching frantically for those stolen, saved moments she had treasured from the Becket brothers - her only pilots.

Thank you.

For everything. For his unconditional love, for his return, for simply being him.

Who?

She had known this was coming; the moment he had stepped into her conn-pod the other day, Gipsy had known. She, like he had told her, had mixed feelings -- but this wasn't replacing Yancy. She understood that now.

She understood a lot now.

And so, she waits for his answer, tendrils of affection still sweeping over his consciousness, prodding at his memories, nosing through the stream.

He accepts her gratitude, not because he deserves it but because it's her gift and he can't turn away anything she offers him. It's thrums down through the connection between them though, his gratitude to her in return. She's been his shelter and his home - and she's welcomed him back to that no matter how far or how long he ran. He took it for granted before. He'll never do that again.

Her nosy curiosity has him smiling and before he answers with words he answers with emotions and caught memories. Feelings of someone soft - and sharp edged hard, someone awkward and alone and willing to give with all their heart when they believed. Spark and fire and polite manners. A vulnerable soft warmth and the steel to take orders against her grain and still see them done. And, his humor leaks in, a quiet persistent nudging after what they want with a silent bull dog determination. Savage fire carefully contained. He feels protective - and yet relaxed.

Mako Mori

It's our job to protect her until she's got her feet under her

You'll like her, Gipsy. I like her too

There’s the distinct sensation that Gipsy is smoothing his hair down; tender and sweet. It’s an interchangeable thing; fluctuating between loves caress and a mother’s fondness, and she continues as she prods deeper, trying to get a feel and a handle on the one he’d named Mako Mori. It’s always an interesting thing, to experience things through someone else rather than first hand. The Drift is an entirely different plane of existence, of reality, and through it Gipsy can filter through Raleigh’s thoughts of this girl – this woman -- and come to know her almost as well as he has.

I like how she makes you feel.

Gipsy doesn’t make this decision lightly. She knows that overall, she doesn’t have a lot of sway in who pilots her – the greater good comes first, and all that – but she likes to think she has some influence, at least a little. She’s never outright rejected a pilot – no Jaeger has.

I can help with this, Raleigh Becket. She is welcome here with us.

He pauses over her words on how Mako makes him feel, taking his time and turning it over in his head, both soothed and humored by Gipsy's attention. He hasn't actually thought so much about what he's getting out of this, focus more on what he can give, how he can help and the quiet stubborn surety that she's what he needs for the Drift. How she makes him feel though...

The smile's a little bit crooked but - yes. Yes, Mako Mori makes him feel good. Makes him feel like that long exhale after you've been holding your breath in tension too long. Mako just - fits. Fits him but - he wants her for Gipsy too. He wants them together, the two of them, because the thought of that makes him feel good too. His quiet happiness over Gipsy's response flows through what they share. Mako feels special to him and he can't think of anyone he'd trust with her more than Gipsy.

She'll fit. I know you can take care of her.

It will feel good to have three again...

Leave it to Raleigh to focus on how he can help and what it is that's needed for the Drift -- as well as considering Gipsy's feelings -- instead of anything about what he feels.

Gipsy nudges him a little along in that direction, find what you're looking for, what you need, how you feel, and she's patient while he sorts that out in his own mind.

You are always safe with Gipsy Danger, Raleigh Becket -- as is she. I will not fail you in this. Another small nudge to his consciousness; the pale yellow and peach tones of Gipsy's affection flooding through the Drift.

Yes, it will.

He feels her nudging him along and he lets her. Gipsy's important to him. The most important... yeah, the most important person in his life now. He wants what's best for her... but it's nice to realize that, it's probably best for him too. He likes the way Mako makes him feel. She keeps him on his toes, doesn't let him slack off but she's got something that makes him feel comfortable too, something soft that soothes him too. It's a strange combination and five years ago he wouldn't have known what to do with it. Now? Now he just accepts it. Accepts - and wants to share that with the one that's most important to him.

Gipsy... he caught that and his hand moves to touch her outside of the Drift his response is so strong. She's never failed him as far as he's concerned. He's failed her - but it was never reciprocal. I know. We'll take care of each other. His confidence is clear. Come what may, he believes in her and in what the three of them can become together.

It feels good to be fighting for something worthwhile again.

She wavers a little, because she does feel responsible, like she failed, but it's washed away with the purity of his forgiveness, his reassurance.

Whole. Complete. That's how she will walk away from this meeting with him, how she will walk away from the experience as a whole.

Gipsy 'sighs' -- a quiet exhale of thoughts that sends the hurt and pain and stress out and away from the two of them. She'll protect them. She'll keep them safe, as much as she's able. She is resolute in this -- in this feeling, this protectiveness.

Are you ready?

He feels her let it go and it heals him too. He's not whole if she's wounded. His smile spills through their connection though, relaxed and ready to take on the world, a bit more aware of what that means these days. He trusts Gipsy absolutely and they're in this together until the end. He's found his way home and he's not about to let it go. His nod, the feeling of it more than the action, is sure. They're whole now. They can help Mako through her own connection now. Together.

Ready.

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last one for the night

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caught me right as i was going to bed |D

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end?